When in stage three (I am my needs), the best way to move out of this stage and into stage four is to learn to see the humanity of others through their needs. Try this exercise:
Choose someone you care about and a situation that they are dealing with right now –
How would YOU feel in that situation?
What would you need?
Can you provide that for them even just a little?
Do it!
Then note how you feel.
You will find that it does not take much to make a big impact. If someone is down, they might need a friend. Even a phone call will do. If someone is sick, you could bring them some food or help clean up the house or just sit with them for a bit.
The point is to get outside of your head and beyond your needs and explore the needs of others. When you put yourself in their situation and feel what it must be like to be them, it becomes easier to see their humanity. It becomes easier to see how they are not so different from you and you can help. Once you help a little, you are likely to help more. The point is to get started with those you hold most dear. Then, when you are ready, try the same exercise thinking about people you don’t know, but have heard about and work your way out to asking these questions about people you do not like at all. You might not go so far as to help, but just putting yourself in their shoes will help you see their humanity and that will make all the difference.
