Maintaining My Mental Immunities

Damn. The darkness is a sneaky bastard. I was not on guard, and my stress level was high and it took me over. I felt sad, grumpy and frustrated for no apparent reason. It took me a week or two to recognize what was happening. You see, the darkness runs in my family and periodically, it comes to visit. I have become skilled at managing this genetically-gifted propensity to become depressed and anxious, without medication. After much research, trial and tracking, I know what works for me. Periodically, however, I find myself swamped under way too much administrative and/or emotional effort focused on everyone but me to my own neglect. I handle it really well but it suppresses my emotional and mental immunity and like a nasty cold, the darkness moves in and takes over. I find myself focusing on the negative, on the hardships of the past, past betrayals, past naivety,  convinced that nobody really gives a crap about me and I am ultimately alone. It drapes a distracting veil over everything that I do, making it impossible to be in the moment, no matter how beautiful the day is or how loving the moment. The darkness looks for proof that it is right – that I am ultimately alone and nobody loves me. And in this world, you can find proof of anything you want, if you want to find it.

Once I recognized what was happening, i was reminded that

1 – I cannot get away from my genetic pre-dispositions but

2 – I have made myself immune to depression and anxiety before and I can do so again in short order.

I leaned into it; welcomed it like an ocean wave and let it wash over me and past me. Ignoring it, or trying to get it to leave without doing it’s work never succeeds. I have to let it come and wash over me. See it, accept that it needs to visit me, show it compassion, and let it wash over. Then, like a wave on a beach, it dissipates and is gone, taking the veil with it and I can see the beauty of each moment again.

The key is not to fight it. Most issues of body and mind resolve much faster if you don’t fight them, but accept them and show them compassion. I guess the darkness needs love too and it will veil over you until you show it some compassion.

I felt better within an hour; a night and day difference. Now it is time to look back over the tactics that build my immunity so that the darkness need not visit again or anytime soon. I give much credit to the book, Play It Away, for a lot of these ideas: