Connecting to your team is not a new idea, but it certainly could use some updating. Many businesses seek to create a family atmosphere or group cohesion, in an effort to curtail turnover and boost productivity. That works really well for some kinds of employees. But not everyone wants work to be family, and many people absolutely cannot stand those ridiculous team building exercises. They participate out of The fear of losing their jobs or losing the good graces of the boss, but their hearts are not in it. I am not going to tell you how to get their hearts into those exercises. I am going to recommend that you stop treating your team like they are all the same, and start treating them like the individual human beings that they are. They are on your team to do a job and get paid. On a good day, maybe they can feel purposeful about what they are doing. But that’s a bonus. Not everyone on the team will get along. I guarantee that not everyone on your team is an extrovert. For the best results, you will need to connect personally to each person who works under your supervision, and put efforts in place to help them connect to each other. Connecting to each other comes later so let’s focus for now on connecting to your team.
Your team works for you. That automatically places a certain bias on the interaction. You have their future, and their day to day happiness or misery at work in YOUR hands. Because of that, they want to keep you happy. Because they want to keep you happy, they will agree to things they would rather not agree to, such as the aforementioned ridiculous team building exercises. They might agree to schedules, assignments, policies and meetings that make them miserable, and that untimely will be why they leave.
So the first question is: how can you get an honest interaction? You can’t. I’m sorry. You will never see them volunteer their full truth to YOU.
So how can you connect to people that will never show you their full truth? You must become the kind of person who can see their truth without asking for it, and without them volunteering it. You must train yourself to read people.
Once you reach a solid Stage Eight to Nine, your people reading skills will be significantly stronger. You will be able to read their true response, regardless of their outward answer. So work on YOU first.
In the meantime, connecting with your team is not impossible.
First, recognize what stage they are in. The large majority of people cannot hide that no matter what they do. Just ask them how they are doing, and let them talk. Let me say that part again, because it is really the most important part… LET THEM TALK. If you let them talk for even five minutes, you will be able to spot what stage they are in today.
The art of listening is something we can all improve on. It sets a good example and shows that you care about them as a person.
Then, learn to interpret what you hear. Many of your team members will give clear signals about what stage they are in today. Look for these indicators…
- “I don’t know what to do about… I’m open to ideas…” – Stage One
- “I just can’t believe what happened…” – Stage Two (experiences)
- “Boss, I just need…” – Stage Three (needs)
- “They really need…” – Stage Four (others)
- “It’s just not done that way…We don’t do it like that… it’s against policy… the policy says… we have a method for this…” – Stage Five (ideology)
- “I think we are being too rigid about this… come on… to each his own… I don’t really care how they do their job, as long as they get it done…” – Stage Six (live and let live)
- “I don’t think this process is working anymore… we really need to think about a new way… why are we doing this? Why do we do it like that?…” – Stage Seven (questioning)
- “We have one goal here… we are doing this for a reason… let’s keep our eye on the end purpose…” – Stage Eight (purpose)
- “There is something good here… their is truth in everything… “ – Stage Nine (consciousness)
If you can understand what stage they are in, you can meet them where they are, give them what they need to do a good job, and then help to guide them to a better stage.
Notice that we did not pry into their personal lives. That can be incredibly uncomfortable for many people. We don’t need to pry. You want them focused on work anyway, right? We can use the context of work for most of this vital connection.
Suppose you realize that your team member is in Stage Three (needs), but to do their job well, they need to be in Stage Four (others). Your job here is to address the unmet needs and guide them into the Stage Four mindset quickly. This doesn’t have to be hard. This can be quick and easy. Find out what the needs are. Just ask, “what do you need?” You are very likely to get an honest answer. Take it seriously and make sure those needs are fulfilled. Assure them that the needs will be met, and quickly. Then, ask the kinds of questions that will guide their thinking back to Stage Four. The important thing here is that you will not be able to get them back to Stage Four if you do not meet their needs. You MUST address the unmet needs from Stage Three. Unmet needs are what pulled them into Stage Three to begin with today. If you don’t address the needs, they will not successfully exit Stage Three for more than a few minutes. Remember… each stage has tasks that must be addressed, or you will be pulled back there again to address them.
When you become the manager who provides opportunities, meets needs, and listens, you become the manger that no one wants to leave, and everyone wants to work with. But you also become the manager of the most effective team in the company. Why? Because each we have discussed previously, has an ideal stage. When they are out of alignment within their ideal stage, their performance is out of alignment. When you can help to keep your team in the optimal stages for their jobs, they will operate optimally.
I want you to notice that all you did here was listen, provide for needs, and guide thinking by asking questions. You did not solve their problems for them, or dictate new policies.
Let’s try another very common one… suppose you see that, due to too many headlines or the latest election season, your team member is in Stage Five (ideology), but they are one of your best innovators. You need them to be in Stage Seven to create really innovative new ideas and designs. This is the hardest case you will ever encounter. The task of Stage Five is to reduce issues to underlying principles. Then, they must pass through Stage Six (live and let live), and return to questioning everything in Stage Seven. You have an extra challenge here in that the ideology they are obsessing over is external or personal. That is, it s NOT the company or organization’s ideology.
You have to bring them into the company context, and guide them through to Stage Seven. Here is how you do that…
- Move them from a personal Stage Five to a company Stage Five by focusing on the underlying principles of your organization.
- Once they are in violent agreement to the company principles, shift discussion with one sentence to something like, “Yeah, I guess it takes all kinds.”
- The next thing out of your mouth should be an abrupt change of subject now to the subject of whatever you need them to innovate on. “Hey, about that Project X…”
- Start questioning the status quo. Ask the kinds of questions that will guide their thinking into Stage Seven on this subject. Then let them get back to work.
Notice that, once again, all you did was listen, and guide through mostly questioning. You did not judge them for talking politics. You validated their need to focus on ideologies for a bit by focusing on the principles of the company, and then guided them the to best stage for their job today. It was positive and enjoyable, and took all of five to ten minutes.
You are, using these techniques, meeting them where they are, validating that stage, helping them complete it for now, and guiding them to a more ideal stage for the day. The more you connect with your team in this way, the more they will be honest and open with you. Why? Because you did not punish them for the truth, you rewarded the truth with validation and guidance.
Lastly, be honest with your team too. Show a little vulnerability. You are only human. Allow your team to connect with you by admitting to your truth openly. I say that with a little caution. Your team does not want to hear the details of your personal life. But your work-truth should be an open book. This builds trust, which in turn encourages everyone on the team to be honest about their work-truth as well.
The result is an increasing spiral of honest work-life assessment and happy teams of real human beings in optimal stages producing optimal work.
