Your self and your existence on this planet are ultimately short and ephemeral. With the exception of a rare few individuals, we will all be forgotten; in relatively short order. We tend to fight against this. We strive to leave a legacy – something to be remembered by – as if being forgotten is a fate worse than death. But to be forgotten is death’s gift.
When you pass from this physical existence, your history will be written by everyone but you. Those whom you have wronged will remember you as an asshole. Those whom you have helped will remember you as kind. Those who see your truth will remember you as human; at times strong and kind and at times weak and ultimately flawed; full of mistakes, lessons, regrets and, if you are fortunate, accomplishments You will have no say as the sum total of your temporary self is read aloud like an accountant’s ledger. Generations will pass as smaller and smaller parts of this crowdsourced legacy are recalled and recounted. Even so close as your great grandchildren will scarcely know anything about you except perhaps one overarching trait and how you died. Within just those three generations you have been reduced to not one accomplishment but one personality trait, and a closing sentence. By four generations on – your great great grandchildren will not know you at all.
Here is how we remember each generation:
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Parents – personality flaws and strengths, skill sets (and lack thereof), regrets about what was left undone, diseases and cause of death.
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Grandparents – one or two major personality traits, one or two interesting facts about their timeline, how they spent their retirement years, cause of death, and a long list of what you used to DO together.
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Great Grandparents – (IF you met them) one major personality trait, cause of death.
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Great Great Grandparents and above – NOTHING; for a rare few, perhaps a family legend, carved and curated over time to the point of questionable truth.
Ultimately, for 99.999% of us, only those who had direct contact with you will have any recollection of you. And what is remembered is filtered through the lens of that interaction; not a true or whole picture but some projection of a small portion of your surface self.
The self is not real. So it is a relief and a gift that the self and its varied interpretations by others can be forgotten within some decades. Let them go. Let them be free as the energy. We hold on to something that does not exist. We cling to the selves of past generations as we cling to our own. We defend them, unable and certainly unwilling to ever alter our perspective on them.
Have you ever found a fact in your genealogy or DNA that counteracts a bit of family timeline? Note the reactions of older generations who quickly rush to defend the family legacy. The younger ones are usually a bit more open.
We all want to be remembered because we are afraid of death and afraid that maybe we did not matter. The reality, however, is that you did matter to someone somewhere and death is nothing to fear. Meanwhile, I am sorry, nobody will be visiting your grave. People move on with their lives and generations are consumed with their own journeys.
Suppose you were presented with a full page of information on someone long since gone. Maybe a family member you never got to meet. You will likely not carry forward more than one or two interesting facts IF they have connection to your own journey. You may tell one or two people about these facts and how it relates to you and those people will nod politely and forget the whole thing.
The point is that you will be forgotten and that is a really really good thing. Let go of the self and do it while you are still alive. Encourage your children and grandchildren to let go of your self too after you are gone. Dissolve into the universe as it was meant to be and be gone from this life and on to the next, or on to heaven/nirvana as the case may be.
This is the gift that should make us take a few more risks in life; try a few more things. It is the ephemeral nature of life that makes it precious.
