Being sensitive to the subtle workings of the body and energy is a blessing. And sometimes it’s a curse. As I get older, and have more mileage on this body, I have experienced several surgeries that would be considered incredibly mundane and routine. Most of them are for cancer prevention or mitigation. And that means having something cut away. No big deal. Or is it? I have noticed that every single time I have something removed, even down to the tiniest thing, there is a sadness. Even though I wanted the offending thing gone, there is a grief over the loss. It seems so stupid. But it’s not a poor-me style of sadness. It’s something more fundamental and simple and human. It’s the feeling of loss. The larger the removal, the larger the grief of loss. But no matter how small the removal, an appropriately small but still-there grief accompanies it.
The lesson is this: any loss triggers a grief of loss, sized appropriately. It makes me think about how change in your life can also trigger grief. Change brings a sort of melancholy that I call the grief of change. It is about grieving the passing of the old life and making emotional space for the new life. This experience of tiny grief makes me wonder if there is tiny grief for the tiny changes in life too. I think so.
In our society the word grief assumes a heart wrenching all out kind of sadness with flowing tears and anger and all the stages of grief we have come to know. But what if grief is a sliding scale? What if there is tiny grief that doesn’t have tears or anger or denial? What if there is just a small but present feeling of loss? No big dramatic element, but a feeling that requires your acknowledgment all the same? That would make sense. Love can be intense or subtle. Joy can be calm and reserved or out loud and over the top. And grief can be anything from tiny to massive.
Feelings are energy moving. Sometimes energy moves a little and sometimes it moves a lot. But regardless of the depth of that flow, feelings ask for our attention. When you offer attention and connection to those feelings, the pleasant ones amplify and the unpleasant ones dissolve away.
So the next time you have that mundane, routine, tiny surgery, or make that small change in your life, take a moment to feel the smallest grief and offer it connection. When you do, it will melt into gratitude. Not what you expected, maybe but gratitude is definitely what it is. I guess everything appreciates being acknowledged – even feelings.
