Holding on to a grudge only hurts YOU. Forgiving and accepting others as human – even the people you don’t like – is they key to moving on from your past and avoiding new grudges in the future. This does not mean that you condone their actions. This means that you do not choose to make their choices your business. You choose to see them as human and therefore they make mistakes just like you. It also means recognizing that, although they may reflect certain aspects of you, the actions of others have nothing else to do with you. They do not imply anything about you. A person’s actions only implicate themselves. Let them go.
Try this… imagine someone who has wronged you. Do you want to give up your time and attention to this person? Or would you be better served by letting the past go? Yes, it was wrong what they did. Yes, it hurt you. Depending on the severity of the wrong, maybe they deserve to be punished. Never fear. Karma will have its way, and you do not have to help it. Allow yourself the grace of letting go.
Can you see how, given their upbringing, their stage at the time, their circumstances, and their flaws, they might act that way? You are probably smarter now and would not let it happen again. Be thankful for this hard lesson. Recognize that this lesson changed you and helped you grown. Now let it go. Do not choose to waste your time on this anymore. You have so much more important work to do.
But what if there is a group of people who wishes you harm? Or an individual who threatens you? You should not be naive. People in Stage Three and Stage Five with specific physiological issues can be very dangerous. Take steps to protect yourself. But once you have adequate protection in place, let them go from your daily life. This too is human. There will always be those who wish others harm just as there are those who wish others peace and joy. No, there is nothing you can do to change their intent. Protect yourself and live your life in peace and joy. Focus on your purpose and tasks at hand and do not donate your time and attention to them.
Forgiving and accepting other individuals as human, or as a natural part of humanity, and letting their actions be their own business, is a great and important first step in freeing up your time and attention for better things. Once you have conquered that task, the next challenge is to forgive and accept the existence of aspects of society that you previously rejected (groups of people, norms/standards, societal rules, etc).
That does not necessarily mean agreeing with them. It means accepting that they exist and letting it go. It means recognizing that the existence of people, norms, and rules that you may choose to disagree with has no bearing on you – their existence does not imply anything about you. Their existence, and your subsequent disagreement with them does not mean you are wrong and they are right. The fact that groups of people, norms and societal rules exist that you choose to differ from is part of a natural balance in life. Like the concept of Yin and Yang, it takes all kinds to make a complete humanity. You can disagree, and choose to run your life differently, without demonizing others, or their rules and norms. They do not have to be wrong, for you to be right. Just let them be different.
If you find yourself feeling offended or lashing out at other people, groups of people, norms or societal rules, remind yourself that all anger is rooted in fear. Ask yourself… what are you afraid of? Be brutally honest. Shining a light on your fear will help it leave.
Who do you need to forgive or accept as part of humanity?
