As you work your way through the stages, and see the humanity of others, you become more compassionate. When confronted with people who are violent, deceitful, murderous, or otherwise criminal or malevolent, it can be really hard to understand. What’s the story there? How do we understand these people?
We are all on the cycle, experiencing some stage. Everyone you meet is in some particular stage when you meet them. The average person evolves through these stages naturally over time. We might even experience two or more stages in one day. But sometimes, people get stuck in a single stage and cannot get out. This is when things can go horribly wrong.
Please keep in mind that these are extreme cases, and not representative of everyone in these stages. These extreme cases happen when someone remains in these stages for abnormally long periods of time, amplifying the character of that phase.
It is natural for a teenager to be in Stage Three, focused on their needs, and not too worried about anyone else’s needs. But if someone remains in stage three, never moving to Stage Four, they they will not develop empathy, guilt or shame. Having unmet needs, without empathy, can lead to criminal behavior ranging from fraud to violent crime and everything between. These persons cannot see their own humanity, much less the humanity of others, and will have no problem taking what fills their needs. Keep in mind that the definition of needs can be incredibly wide ranging. Serial killers, rapists, con artists, and the like are examples of people who became stuck in Stage Three for too long and never developed empathy, while unmet needs amplified to the point of desperation.
Similarly, staying in Stage Five, focused on your ideology, for too long, can lead to criminal behavior against members of an opposing ideology. This could look like vandalism (common during election seasons), or something much more violent like assault or mass shootings. In these cases, they have seen Stage Four long enough to develop empathy, guilt and shame, but only as directed toward people who share the same ideology. Why? Because Stage Six is where we see our own humanity, and therefore the humanity of others. And they are not there yet. They have some level of empathy, but members of the opposing ideology are dehumanized and therefore guilt-free targets.
The last dangerous stage is Stage Seven – Questioning Everything. Staying in Stage Seven for too long amplifies the existential nature of the stage. People stuck in Stage Seven for too long are a danger largely to themselves and at high risk for self sabotaging and suicidal behaviors.
There is a pattern here… spend too long in any one stage, and you will amplify that stage. That’s great when we are taking about Stages 8-11, but dangerous if we are talking about Stages 3, 5, or 7. So what can we do? Corrections departments, Police departments, the FBI and many others are working on that every day. The answer is to first get them immediate help and then to help them move to the next stage.
Meanwhile, protect yourself! Cultivate your ability to read someone’s stage and their entire truth quickly, and act accordingly. Don’t let your altruism make you a victim. Stay smart, aware and safe.
