Money is never really about money. It’s about emotions, and psychology, and dreams. Money, therefore, becomes yet another mechanism for building stronger and closer relationships. It starts with shared suffering. Wait, hear me out. When you first start getting your finances in order, you will be cutting back on expenses. This is an opportunity to get creative. And in that shared experience, you will find deeper connection.
Five Dollar Date Night
One of my absolute favorite things to come out of our hard core saving phase was five dollar date night. We had cut every expense to the bone. NO eating out. NO concerts or movies. But dating your partner is incredibly important. You should never stop dating, romancing and getting to know your ever evolving partner. We decided to turn it into a challenge. You get five dollars. Not each… five dollars total. And…. go. We had to come up with date ideas that cost literally five dollars or less, gas included. And boy did we! A romantic walk to a beautiful sunset view, playing guitar in the park, long hikes. Pic-nics with a tiny box of wine to share. Without the distracting environment of restaurants and theaters, we had to pay attention to each other. We had the time and space to talk about deep things; to dream. These dates were infinitely more romantic and meaningful than the standard restaurant or movie date. We were present with each other. As a result of this “shared suffering,” we were all the more closer and more connected. Even as an individual, cutting back on distraction based outings and taking the cheaper nature based ones forces you to meet and connect with yourself.
Trust And Reliability
As the months go by, trust and reliability grow, from nothing more than the fact that you stuck to your spend plan. Even as an individual, you will come to respect yourself more for sticking to your plan. When your partner sticks to the plan, you see that you can trust their commitment to your shared dreams. You see beyond doubt that you can rely on them to keep you on track when you are tempted to stray. You can rely on them to be open and honest and a true PARTNER. And that all leads to…
Better Sex More Often
I could write a whole book on better sex through better connection; and I did. But for our purposes here, let’s just sum up the the financial aspects. Better sex with your partner starts with trust, safety, and grounding. If any of these are lacking, your sex life will be lacking too. You will come to find that your monthly spend plan meetings, as mundane and not sexy as they sound, are a foundation for trust, grounding and safety. This naturally leads to closer connection and that in turn leads to better sex more often. But it doesn’t end there. As part of your financial discussions, you have to express your dreams, be brutally honest about what you want and don’t want, and stand strong in your own individual needs. These are all critical elements in a deeply connected relationship. Each one builds on the other to create nearly transcendent connection. And THAT translates first and immediately into the bedroom… or any other room. Even when you are working your way out of debt; sometimes BECAUSE you are working your way out of debt, you will immediately notice how much more purposeful you feel, how much more bonded you feel and how much more often you feel in the mood for love. Enjoy.
