Fear Of Missing Out Has Us Missing Out Completely

We no longer actually communicate with friends and family. We post to empty space and wait for pings of acknowledgement (or lack thereof which we translate into unworthiness). We check news pages continuously and they oblige our thirst for updated headlines by reporting mostly on what people said, because that is easier and faster than finding out what people might have actually done and reporting on that. We want it now: new headlines, fresh distraction, acknowledgement and validation of our fragile and temporary selves, distraction from what we know to be true but refuse to face. It’s all such a lovely way to convince ourselves that we are engaged with the world, while expertly avoiding relationships, self development, realization, actualization and life itself. We can rocket through our years right to the end and never really have to learn anything, or feel anything or experience anything.

Stop. Love, gratitude, and peace are our natural state. Strip away these fear-inducing distractions and you can feel it. Manifest from a place of love and get magic and connection. I think it’s about connecting to each other, to places, to the energy, and to our truth. But instead, we demonize each other back and forth in shallow air-deep posts and judge each other on equally shallow online presence and gossip while our true selves go unnoticed and that of others is dismissed.

So how do we avoid the shallow shadow-relationships and see instead the full humanity of ourselves and others? First, we must see and accept our own full humanity and not judge it. We must not feel inferior to or superior to anyone, but a part of the same whole. Self acceptance is the key first step. Once we can look at ourselves without judgement then we stand a chance of looking at others without judgement. It is hard to see anyone’s full humanity when all they share is the small facets they want you to see.

A young college student I spoke with suggested that we need secrecy, psychologically. A layer of things kept to ourselves, another layer of things shared with a rare few close connections, and the public layer. The public layer helps people with practical and goal-oriented tasks and can inspire us to accomplish and to try. But the stuff that people really wrestle with is hidden in the private layers. If you really want to connect, you have to touch on what they don’t share with anyone.

What we share and what we hide…

We publicly share:

We reserve for our close circle:

We keep to ourselves:

Overall, according to research, people share other people’s posts to:

What this boils down to is this: We share to make ourselves look good, feel good or to express empathy (which makes us look good). In other words, people share what makes them look or feel good, and they hide what makes them look or feel bad.

Therefore, what you see on social media is only half of the truth. We post only what we are willing to show the public. But what bonds people and deepens relationships past acquaintance into a level of real human connection is the sharing of what we don’t want everyone to know; the secrets and feelings we are not proud of – our humanity – the weakness, fear, little moments. That means that when we make social media our only connection to someone, that connection is not real. We are fooling ourselves. If you want connection, you will have to create it through channels that offer an environment better suited to sharing the hard stuff.

So what can we do?

1 – Start missing out on fear, hate and the emotions that you do not want. Significantly limit your time spent on apps, websites, and in activities that promote negative feelings or that distract you from your own self development and life transformation. (such as social media and news websites)

2 – Work to see your own humanity. When you choose to share, share the full truth to help people see your humanity, good and bad.

3 – Have real relationships. Talk to people in person, by phone and private text where they can feel free to share the stuff they might not otherwise. See their full humanity and give compassion for your shared humanity together in this life.