In the quest to feel connected to ourselves, others and our world, we are in danger of creating attachment instead. Attachment is a feeling of needing the presence, approval, love, etc, of someone or something. Attachment leads to pain when things and people are “lost” due to the natural course of life.
Connection is a feeling of being focused in the moment on that person, place or thing and seeing their truth and their divine nature. Connection is being so in tune with that person, place or thing that you inherently understand them. Their presence and approval is very enjoyable but it does not mean anything in particular about you – it does not affect your identity.
Trying to form a complete connection to others before you have a complete connection to yourself can set you up for potential abuse, neglect and attachment. Why? Because when you are not complete unto yourself, you are prone to needing the approval of others, self-sabotage, and other vulnerabilities that others can take advantage of, or that make you take advantage of others.
You can have connection and still let go, content to not have the presence or approval of that person, place or thing, even though that presence is much preferred. For example, you can have a complete connection to your parent, but be content to be away from them, and to not have contact with them for a while. If they do not approve of your choices, you do not mind. You are content to let their opinions be their opinions, which have no bearing on you, your identity, or your choices. You do not feel the need to lash out at them, or convince them. You feel as connected to them when not in contact, as you do in person.
Attachment is desperate for presence. Connection transcends presence. Presence is nice and enjoyable and preferred, but not required. When you are completely connected to your partner, you would rather be together but you feel no less connected when apart. You may think of them often, revisiting all the things about them that you adore and appreciate, but you do not pain for them. You do not feel detached just because they are not in the same space.
Similarly, you can be in the same room with someone and be completely disconnected. You can be attached but disconnected (the worst case scenario). The ideal is complete connection without attachment. The theory is that, when you are completely connected to someone – a parent, a spouse, a friend – not even death can separate you. You can still feel their presence at any moment you (or they) choose.
