Now that you have built trust and safety with your partner, the next thing on the agenda should be grounding each other. Sometimes, one partner may be dealing with a challenge, while the other is in a more grounded place. But the reality is more often that one partner is dealing with a challenge, and the other partner is dealing with the challenge of an unhappy partner. What affects one partner, affects both. Because none of us wants to see our love unhappy. We want to see our love radiating joy. We are happiest when they are happy.
So we see that it is almost never one partner facing a challenge and the other is perfectly happy. But you might find that one of you is, on any given day, in a better place than the other., calmer than the other, or enjoying more perspective than the other. Helping your partner is also helping yourself. If you can ground them, they can find their peace and joy, and you will find it too. Partners can ground each other then, allowing you both to find peace and joy through your own independent selves and methods.
So what does it mean to ground someone? It means, in simple terms, to calm them down and put them at peace. I think we all know that just asking them to calm down does not work. It has the opposite effect. So if your partner is a bit spun up, or a lot spun up, what can you do?
First, speak calmly, and peacefully. Move calmly and peacefully. Smile at them. Remind them that you love them. Hug them, if they like hugs, or hold their hand. Communicate peace and calm through every fiber of your being.
Then, listen. Let them vent. Get it all out. Look them in the eyes and do not interrupt.
If you are certain that you can fix the situation, you might offer to help. But some situations cannot or should not be fixed. When a situation must be accepted, instead of fixed, offer compassion. You might simply say, “I’m sorry. That sucks. I love you. What do you need?” Give them a chance to think about what they need. They might need some time alone, or some time with you, or a snack, or a doctor, or a different perspective. Let them tell you, and provide for their needs as quickly as you can.
You probably understand your partner pretty well. For couples that have been together for a long time, you might already know some ideas that would help. What always seems to help? A favorite meal or treat? A walk in the sun? A swim? A cuddle? Maybe a funny movie or other distraction?
You will find that in focusing on your partner in this way, you have also grounded yourself. But more than that you have built trust, safety and grounding all at the same time. Now how do you feel? It feels wonderful to see your partner grounded and feeling better. It feels purposeful and important. Because it is. We are here on this Earth to love and support each other. Nowhere is that more important and clear than in a love relationship.
Your partner, in turn, now grounded, will return the favor following your example. Trust, safety, and grounding swirls in an increasing spiral that strengthens your love and caring. And you can do it every day. Become a place of peace for your partner, and they will become a place of peace for you.
