Question: It seems like scammers are all over the place. When I am the target, it makes me feel lesser, disrespected. When others are the target, it makes me lose faith in people; sad, beaten down, hopeless. I don’t want to feel like that. But how can I change my thinking?
Ah, the real world. No matter how well we craft our lives to focus on the positive, we are periodically reminded that negative elements exist. Scammers are perhaps the most disheartening. With all the work you have put into loving yourself and connecting to the truth in others, here are these souls. Scammers treat you like an object designed for their own self gain. They treat others with such disregard for their humanity. It makes you question your hope for a future of peace for all. But there is a deeper understanding that can help. Let’s break it down. Scamming people, that is, lying and conning someone for your own personal gain is flat out wrong. It will never be right and we will not condone it. But we can gain a deeper understanding of WHY they do what they do, and this deeper understanding can help shape our reaction towards them into something healthier for US. Scammers treat other people as objects. That’s because they cannot see their victim’s humanity. They lack empathy, guilt and shame. They are simply not capable of these things. They are a classic example of living in Stage Three (I Am My Needs). There is a touch of narcissism in play (I am better or smarter than everyone). Scamming feeds their ego as much as their bank account. Their identity becomes solidified around this persona of clever con artist. Incapable of seeing the victim’s humanity, they feel no shame, no guilt, no empathy. They justify their damage by saying that stupid people deserve to be taken advantage of. The target is an object, or an animal to be trained. They may think they are doing you a favor; teaching you a hard lesson. Can you see how they are so far above you? So this makes us, the victims, feel lesser, devalued, dehumanized, because that is exactly what is happening. They are, in fact, devaluing you, and dehumanizing you. But it is your choice to allow the effect. It is your choice to FEEL devalued and dehumanized. Scammers approach you as if they are just regular folks; trustworthy people. So you see their humanity and connect with them, because that is what our hearts want to do; connect with each other. And then the realization of the scam sets in. Even if you recognize it early and lose nothing, it stings. The key is to learn how to read the full truth of a person the instant you first interact with them. Do not assume the worst or the best. Assume nothing. Start with a blank slate and let your intuition tell you what this person is really about. Your gut will yell scam loud and clear from the first interaction. This prevents you from subconsciously expecting real human connection. Because you will not find it here. Once you recognize the scam, remain disconnected. Do not continue any contact and do not encourage further discussion. See them for the stage they are in. See them on their journey. See into their future. When they hit Stage Four, they will be overrun with guilt and shame. They construct and supply their own karma. The greater the con, the greater the suffering in Stage Four. Send them a wish that they will find Stage Four quickly, and find forgiveness for themselves, learning from their mistakes, and that they will learn to see other people’s humanity. Maybe they will choose to do amazing good to make up for their amazing bad. Who knows who they could HELP in the future. See that? We have just used our understanding of the stages to connect with the best parts of their future potential, without connecting to them in the present. And that is how we change our reaction to one of compassion, connection, and hope, without putting ourselves in danger. The soul desires connection to all people. But for people in Stage Three that is a dangerous proposition. When you encounter someone in Stage Three, disconnect from their present existence, stay disconnected, and connect on your own to their greatest future potential instead. Send them compassion for the guilt and shame they will one day feel and send them gratitude for the help they will be to others in the future.
