As we evolve around the cycle of sometimes get stuck. It’s possible to get stuck in one stage (see the article on that topic). But it is also possible to become stuck in a mini-cycle where you swirl around between two or three stages, unable to move on. Let’s take a look at some common mini-cycles that can trap you.
Mini-Cycle 2-3: The Trauma Victim / High School Hero
When a major event occurs in your life, good or bad, it is easy to become stuck in Stage Two, telling yourself stories about the event, reliving it over and over and solidifying it as part of your identity. But every new phase of life comes with new needs. You will be bounced to Stage Three to meet those needs. But unable to let go of the identity of the victim or hero, you are back to Stage Two without meeting your needs, and then back to Three, etc. The answer is to meet your needs and craft a new identity in the service of others to catapult you to Stage Four, where you can keep the momentum going.
Mini-Cycle 3-4: The Martyr
This is a classic mini-cycle characterized by the American mom of small children, and many others. In this cycle, your unmet needs call to you, while you focus on putting everyone else’s needs first. Ultimately your needs never get met (and sometimes never even identified), and you are back to the desperation of Stage Three. But my family comes first! And back to Stage Four you go until your burned out self cries for its needs again. The answer is to meet your needs first, and then the needs of everyone else, while working towards your own continued evolution.
Mini-Cycle 5-6: The News Hound
There are more people in the US in this mini-cycle, than in any other. In this mini-cycle, you are deep in Stage Five, focused on your ideology, feeling angry and offended at the other side. But anger, fear and offense are exhausting and you sort of give up, moving to Stage Six, hoping your good example will save the day. You give up on taking action. But then you see the news again and are right back in Stage Five, defending your ideology. The answer here is to actively abstract your ideology to the level of principles. Once you have a consistent set of principles, you will click over into Stage Six to live and let live. Then, the key is to keep going by doing the homework for Stage Six that will help you move on.
Mini-Cycle 5-6-7: The Political Existentialist
This is a diabolical trap. I had never witnessed this one before. I credit actor Jim Carrey with making me aware of it. I have watched him trapped in this cycle for years now. It is hard to watch. I want to help. Mr. Carrey, this is for you. In this mini-cycle, you begin in Stage Five, deep in your ideology, lashing out at the opposition in a bid to activate change. But, as above, it’s exhausting. You click over into Stage Six; somewhat giving up. You hope maybe your good example will lead to change. But it doesn’t. Then you really give up and enter the dark night of the soul yet again. In an attempt to get out of Stage Seven’s special existential hell, you decide to take action, flinging yourself back to Stage Five to fight the good fight yet again. The idea to use decisive action to get out of Stage Seven is spot on. However, the use of ideological action is the problem that keeps you trapped in this loop. The answer is to do the homework. Abstract your ideology to the level of principles. Then, the Stage Six homework to see your own humanity and the humanity of others. Lastly, approach Stage Seven again. But this time, have fun questioning everything and use it to design a new phase of life that is more in line with what you want to feel.
Are you trapped in a mini-cycle? It’s time to do your homework and move forward.
