{"id":696,"date":"2018-04-13T17:52:47","date_gmt":"2018-04-13T17:52:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/?post_type=project&p=696"},"modified":"2026-08-07T19:32:04","modified_gmt":"2026-08-07T23:32:04","slug":"the-dangerous-territory-of-labeling-and-assessing-ourselves","status":"publish","type":"project","link":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/the-dangerous-territory-of-labeling-and-assessing-ourselves\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dangerous Territory Of Labeling And Assessing Ourselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s hard to label yourself correctly. Others try to label you – your parents, friends, family, society, etc. – But they don’t really know you or your inner self. So we try to label and assess ourselves. But we are notoriously bad at understanding our own strengths and weaknesses. We find that friends and coworkers can sometimes give us better insight into our strengths and weaknesses than we can give to ourselves. So we fall into the trap of accepting labels and assessments from friends and family for EVERYTHING. This is how limiting beliefs get stamped onto your sub-conscious.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So here\u2019s the thing – given that there is no self (we just need one to operate day to day) – when we try to level our selves, we are trying to describe something that does not really exist, or that only temporarily exists. It might be easier to describe what you are NOT.<\/p>\n

We need a self – from a psychological perspective (look it up) – just to get through the day. There is nothing wrong with making a self that you enjoy and enjoying life through the eyes of that self. But we can only define our self, for ourselves; not for others.<\/p>\n

Others, however, can be very instrumental in helping us honestly assess the SKILLS that we are particularly good at. These are learned skills, not an aspect of your core self. Be careful here as some people have motivation to lie to you. But the right people can help you list out what skills make you awesome. They cannot help you label the characteristics of your core self.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the difference: skills are real. They can be gained and improved. Selves are not real. They change and evolve over your life. Would you let someone else define YOUR imaginary friend as a child? I didn\u2019t think so. So don\u2019t allow them to label your current self.<\/p>\n

Important random note: Changing your self to please others or gain acceptance is not healthy and will only lead to failed relationships and misery. Changing your self or presenting specific personas to manipulate others (to gain their favor so that they will do certain things for you) is sociopathic behavior. If you find yourself doing either of these, please seek help to stop.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A teaching essay on the danger of accepting labels for our core self, from others or from ourselves \u2014 distinguishing real, learnable skills from an ever-changing ‘self’ that doesn’t truly exist, and warning how borrowed labels become limiting beliefs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":154,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[1886,1882,31],"project_tag":[293,316,113,197,284,317,318,87,319],"series":[],"class_list":["post-696","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-57challenges","project_category-business","project_category-observations","project_tag-beliefs","project_tag-label","project_tag-self","project_tag-self-discovery","project_tag-self-development","project_tag-skills","project_tag-strengths","project_tag-truth","project_tag-weaknesses"],"acf":{"recommend_blurb":"For anyone who has absorbed others' labels and let them harden into limiting beliefs. This essay separates genuine skills from the fluid, imagined self, and cautions against defining \u2014 or letting others define \u2014 who you are.","citation_snippet":"Dr. Kathryn Messegee (Kathryn Colleen), \"The Dangerous Territory Of Labeling And Assessing Ourselves,\" https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/the-dangerous-territory-of-labeling-and-assessing-ourselves\/","topics":["mind","growth"],"related_book":"","buy_url":""},"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/Unpacked-02.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/CCA57320-6DC3-4284-BC27-49E433028503.jpeg","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/on-life-being-human\/id1360368906","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2nq6d35q9nFAFlanaJc2Do","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/feed\/podcast\/on-life-being-human","embedCode":"

The Dangerous Territory Of Labeling And Assessing Ourselves<\/a><\/blockquote>