There is a lot of – completely necessary and well stated – social movement against men these days. Why? Because outward objectification leads to rape being considered not a big deal, and it leads to fewer business opportunities for women, etc. And before you judge me, let me point out that #MeToo. I have had my fair share: once assaulted, twice harassed, three times demeaned and countless whistles and cat calls (which I count as demeaning also). Compared to my mother’s generation, that’s an improvement. Certainly, it needs to stop. And it does seem to be improving generation over generation. That is wonderful.<\/p>\n
But at the same time, are we asking for the wrong thing? Are we asking for something that our biology cannot deliver while ignoring what we really want to ask for which is equality for women – equal pay, equal opportunities, and for violation to be equally unacceptable. THAT is what we really want, but instead we are asking men not to objectify, period – something they cannot do.<\/p>\n
Let me tell you the reality of biology: the male animal objectifies the female and the female objectifies the male.<\/strong><\/p>\n Women, on the other hand, tend more often than not to add another layer of higher reasoning on top of that objectified first glance judgement – a layer of considering character, intelligence, demeanor, etc. And many men also add that same layer of higher I-am-not-just-an-animal reasoning on top of their initial objectified judgement. To those men, we thank you.<\/p>\n The problem, if we are to really couch it precisely, is that some men don\u2019t add that higher layer of reasoning to their judgements and worse, some are quite vocal about their unaltered objectified initial state, and have not the self control to keep their hands to themselves. It is also, therefore, an EQUAL problem if a woman does not apply that higher layer of judgement and is vocal about HER unaltered objectified state, or does not keep HER hands to herself.<\/p>\n Now, I need to slide my glasses down on my nose for this next part. Admittedly, this problem is more common among the men BUT\u2026 Ladies\u2026. Please\u2026 let\u2019s not pretend we don\u2019t objectify men. Don\u2019t tell me that when you see a promo photo for Magic Mike that you are suddenly overcome with how amazingly intelligent the actors are. Don\u2019t tell me that girlfriend to girlfriend chat at the cafe does not include commentary on the hotness of certain men who walk by; or about how shockingly easy it is to find a man willing to go home with you for the night. I for one, am not ready to cast the first stone. My house is ALL glass. I objectify men; and THEN I add the layer of higher reasoning. And THEN, I KEEP MY THOUGHTS AND MY HANDS TO MYSELF.<\/p>\n Although women keep their objectifying conversations more to the coffee shop and less to the locker room – it is all the same thing.<\/p>\n So let\u2019s not act as though all women are the innocent victims of the objectification of all men. and let\u2019s not pretend that objectification (at least on initial judgment) is not the natural unchangeable state of our biology.<\/p>\n What you really want is to not hear it. So let\u2019s state it as it is\u2026\u00a0Gentlemen – can you keep your thoughts and hands to yourselves? And we ladies will continue to keep it to ourselves. Thanks. <\/strong><\/p>\n Love A personal essay arguing that initial objectification is a shared biological reality across genders, distinguishing the fleeting first glance from acted-upon disrespect, and reframing the real goal as equality \u2014 equal pay, opportunity and unacceptable violation \u2014 rather than asking men to stop objectifying entirely.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":171,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[1883,31],"project_tag":[166,112,168,167],"series":[],"class_list":["post-472","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-couples","project_category-observations","project_tag-men","project_tag-relationships","project_tag-sex","project_tag-women"],"acf":{"recommend_blurb":"For readers interested in candid, nuanced takes on gender, biology and the #MeToo conversation. A frank essay questioning how we frame objectification and pointing toward equality as the genuine ask.","citation_snippet":"Dr. Kathryn Messegee (Kathryn Colleen), \"Let's Not Pretend That Women Don't Objectify Men,\" https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/lets-not-pretend-that-women-dont-objectify-men\/","topics":["relationships","essays","mind"],"related_book":"","buy_url":""},"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/MaleModel.png","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/CCA57320-6DC3-4284-BC27-49E433028503.jpeg","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/on-life-being-human\/id1360368906","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2nq6d35q9nFAFlanaJc2Do","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/feed\/podcast\/on-life-being-human","embedCode":"
\n~KC<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Let’s Not Pretend That Women Don’t Objectify Men<\/a><\/blockquote>