{"id":4189,"date":"2023-11-11T11:40:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-11T16:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/?post_type=project&p=4189"},"modified":"2026-08-07T17:49:34","modified_gmt":"2026-08-07T21:49:34","slug":"money-in-relationships-your-parents-money","status":"publish","type":"project","link":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/money-in-relationships-your-parents-money\/","title":{"rendered":"Money In Relationships –\u00a0Your Parents\u2019 Money"},"content":{"rendered":"
Your parent\u2019s money doesn\u2019t seem like something that should be any of your business. And it\u2019s not any of your business…. until all of a sudden, it\u2019s your responsibility. Some of you will become your parents\u2019 keepers, physically and financially. Those of you who are the keepers will likely be the executors of their estate. And for some reason, this seems to completely blindside the grown children of aging parents.<\/div>\n
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Your parents might be in a financial bind, or they might be fine, or they might be wealthy. You don\u2019t really know until you ask. But rest assured, if you are the only child, or the \u201cchosen child\u201d – the child who will most likely be in charge of their care and will be executor of their will – you need to have some idea of their financial state and what the plan is.<\/div>\n
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Within any typical family, siblings all know who the chosen child is. Let\u2019s not pretend. Parents have favorites. In the instance when Mom favors one child and Dad favors another, the parent that survives the longest will determine the chosen child. So step one is to get your head out of the sand and recognize whether or not you are that child. If you are not that child, you will play a much smaller role, but you will still want to be generally aware of the situation so that you can anticipate what may be asked of you by your siblings. The point is: don\u2019t go into this blindly as if they are going to be healthy and live forever.<\/div>\n
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Awkward Conversations With Mom And Dad<\/b><\/div>\n
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It all starts with some very awkward conversations. Most parents don\u2019t like to discuss their finances with their children, especially if they are in debt, or otherwise struggling. It is an issue of pride. But it is also an issue of your parents not liking to think about their own future declining health and their own eventual death.<\/div>\n
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You don\u2019t need to have all the details right now, but you do need the basics, and you do need them to create an emergency notebook that DOES have all the details in it.\u00a0If you are the chosen child, start a series of conversations in the safe and relaxed atmosphere of their home. Once you get the conversations rolling, and everyone is comfortable talking about it, you can move these discussions to phone or video chat as needed.<\/div>\n
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You want to AVOID coming across as the harbinger of death, or the money grubbing child just waiting for an inheritance. The easiest and best method I have seen to date for opening this conversation is to tell them about a friend of yours whose last parent recently passed, or was recently diagnosed with dementia, and the mess they went through trying to figure out where everything was, what was owed where, and how to deal with all their parents stuff, and so on. If you don\u2019t have such a friend, find an article about someone who went through that situation online and they can be your friend for the day. There are endless stories of chosen children being left to spend literally years to a decade working out the mess of their parent\u2019s finances and estate. Pick one.<\/div>\n
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After hearing what these folks went through, your parents may volunteer their plan as a means to soothe your worries… If they have a plan. If they don\u2019t volunteer a plan, you can ask… \u201cWe should have a plan. I want to be able to take care of you in the way you would want. Maybe now is a good time for you to write up what you would want me to do.\u201d This approach sets you up in the role of serving their preferences, as opposed to seeking your own gain or avoiding your own pain. If they need guidance in making their plan, a good wills and estates attorney can advise them on all the aspects to think about and plan for.<\/div>\n
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One thing the attorney may not cover is what I will call an emergency notebook. This might be a digital file, or an actual notebook. The emergency notebook should be stored with copies of the wills and estates documents, or at least with a copy of a power of attorney document to allow you to manage their finances and a letter of intent, directing you as to HOW you should handle the finances if they are incapacitated. The emergency notebook should contain…<\/div>\n
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