{"id":4180,"date":"2022-10-11T11:31:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-11T15:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/?post_type=project&p=4180"},"modified":"2026-08-07T17:54:30","modified_gmt":"2026-08-07T21:54:30","slug":"money-in-relationships-unpacking-the-budget-baggage","status":"publish","type":"project","link":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/money-in-relationships-unpacking-the-budget-baggage\/","title":{"rendered":"Money In Relationships –\u00a0Unpacking The Budget Baggage\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"
The spend plan or monthly budget is the key to solving just about every money problem that could crop up on a committed relationship. Even for the individual, a monthly spend plan is critical. Sounds easy enough, right? Just sit down. List out your expenses and your income. And make a specific plan for where every dollar of that income will go. Cover your critical items first, then pay off your debts, then save for the future, and so forth. So why is it so amazingly difficult when you first try it? Baggage.<\/div>\n
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Spend Plans Versus Budgets And Thog The Destroyer<\/b><\/div>\n
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Even the WORD budget might make you cringe. If so, change the word. Call it a spend plan. We all have baggage around these words. Budget sounds like a plan to restrict something, while spend plan sounds like you are planning to spend. And you are. And some of that spending might be on saving. The point is to call it whatever you want. Choose a word or phrase that makes this more enjoyable and helps to detach it from your past. If you have to, call your budget a pet name, like George, Betty, Fluffy, or Thog the Destroyer. Make it fun. It\u2019s hard to be too serious when you say, \u201cHey, babe, we should take sometime tonight with Thog The Destroyer.\u201d<\/div>\n
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The Spendthrift Versus The Free Spirit<\/b><\/div>\n
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Within each couple, and within your own individual mind, is a battle between the desire to spend and the desire to save. Some people are naturally free spirits. Their nature is to spend and not track it too much. Just go with the flow. Other people are naturally savers. They prefer to not spend and instead defer that joy to the future by saving up like a squirrel in Fall. They love a good spreadsheet. The free spirit will say, \u201clet\u2019s live NOW!\u201d, while the spendthrift urges, \u201clet\u2019s save for our dreams!\u201d. Both are right. Sometimes you can have both of these archetypes within the same person, who likes to save but periodically has to bust out of the good behavior and splurge a little. This comes from a very human place. We have dreams and goals, but we recognize that life is short and we want to live now. The spendthrift versus the free spirit is just one way this existential dilemma plays out in your finances. Remember, your money is just an extension of yourself. If you can balance the free spirit and the spendthrift, you will have the best of both worlds: A little fun money to spend any way you please, and some savings to forward your dreams.<\/div>\n
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    What is your tendency? Are you the spendthrift or the free spirit?<\/div>\n<\/li>\n
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    How can you allow for both living now and saving for the future?<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
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    Letting Go Of Past Financial Relationship Baggage – I Am Not Them<\/b><\/div>\n
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    Money is the source of a majority of fights in a couple, leaving lasting scars well into your single phase. If that is your history, then you have some baggage. Maybe they spent uncontrollably. Maybe they lied about money. Maybe they did not allow you to spend a dime. Whatever the pattern was that caused friction and fights, your mind will expect that pattern to repeat again in your next relationship. If your last partner was too strict with money, you could be triggered by the mere suggestion of cutting back a little to save. If your last partner was a spendaholic, you could be triggered by a lack of tracking or accountability. Here is the important perspective: your new partner is not your old partner, and you are not their old partner. That seems obvious, but your subconscious does not see it that way. If you find yourself getting worked up during budget meetings with your partner, try this. Look at each other and say, out loud… \u201cI am not _______ (insert name of their past partner here). I am not going to hurt you like that. I love you.\u201d If you are single, you can look in the mirror and say it to yourself. Be very honest about your past experiences. Describe what you are afraid of repeating. And build in plans to avoid it.<\/div>\n
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    For example, if your past partner was too restrictive, build in a line item in your spend plan and call it Fun Money. This is money that you each get to spend any way you want, no questions asked, no judgements given. Make it a number that everyone is happy with. If your past partner was a wild spender, you might be afraid that your new partner might go off plan and spend. Pledge to each other that this spend plan is sacred. Fun money is your wiggle room to do what you want, outside of the plan. And that too is part of the plan. \u00a0In the beginning, check in every week to see how you are sticking to your plan, AND how you are feeling about it. Too restrictive? Not saving enough? You are learning how to make choices and craft a plan that works for you as a couple (or as an individual). Eventually, your baggage will be unpacked and nonexistent. Consistency is key. Just keep working on it. You will find your groove within a few months.<\/div>\n
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    Getting On The Same Page<\/b><\/div>\n
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    These techniques will get you to a point where you have a spend plan that is satisfactory for both of you. But satisfactory is not great. That\u2019s just passable. You want a spend plan that actually gets you excited. Yes… an exciting budget. Maybe even a sexy budget! So how do you get there? The answer is shared vision. Tie your financial goals to your life goals.<\/div>\n
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