A great sexual practice begins with experimentation. That is, experimentation with yourself, solo, and experimentation with your partner. As before, and as always, absolute honesty is key. You may find that you are turned on by things that you are embarrassed to admit. You may find that you are curious about something you are shy to share. It\u2019s OK. I am not asking you to write blog posts about it (that\u2019s my job). I am asking you to share it with your partner.\u00a0
THIS is why the trust, safety and grounding that you established before are so incredibly important. You must feel safe and encouraged to be completely honest, knowing that you will not be judged. If your partner is shy to talk about something they want to try, or some aspect of their sexual truth, that is a red flag that you have not established the trust, safety and grounding needed for this exercise. Go back and work on that first.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Experimentation means trying new things. You might try videos, toys, positions, techniques, times of day, or different locations. If you think you might like it, try it! Now, as you try things, you will find that you like some of them, hate some of them, and find a few things you simply must have from now on, as well as a few things you never want to speak of again. Just like trying new foods, some are new favorites, some are truly awful, and most are somewhere between. Be honest with your partner about what you like and how much you liked it, or not. After each experiment, a good cuddle helps the honest flow as you discuss what you liked and what you didn\u2019t like, as well as what, if anything, you would like to keep doing for a while or try next.\u00a0
This phase of your practice should be fun… well, every phase of your sexual practice should be fun. So don\u2019t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner to hurry through a litany of experiments, rushing to some perfect ideal. The ideal will happen all on its own quite naturally.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You will find that you have, in the end, a set of favorite positions, favorite toys, favorite techniques, timing, locations, and so on. You will also find that you will have a new language of sexual communication.\u00a0
Sexual communication is the phrase I use to describe how we talk to each other during sex – how we tell each other what we want, and how we want it. Sexual communication with your partner might include certain phrases to indicate that you want more of something, or faster speed, harder\/softer action, a particular toy or technique, etc. couples generally use a mixture of actual known words like simply asking for more by saying, \u201cmore.\u201d But more might also mean faster, or a particular look and approach might convey that you want to switch to that most loved position now. Toys, positions and techniques might have nicknames. You will naturally hone your sexual communication as you experiment.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another, critical skill that you will develop in this phase, and improve upon for life, is the art of reading your partner, without words. An important, and much more telling part of sexual communication is what we do not say. It is in the body language and noises that your partner makes. With enough experience, and it may not take much, you will be able to tell when your partner is approaching orgasm. You might respond by backing them off of the peak to extend the experience, or revving them up to the big finale. You might notice that they make certain pleasure noises when you touch them a certain way, and that indicates that today, this move is THE right move.\u00a0
Paying attention to your partner\u2019s noises, body language and words, you become lost in a private world together. See how you are now focused on each other? The enjoyment of your partner\u2019s pleasure cannot be overstated. When you love your partner, their pleasure is a massive turn-on.\u00a0
At the end of the experimentation phase, you will have a full set of favorite positions, toys, techniques, timings, locations and language. You will have perfected reading your partner and responding. And you will be having a really really good time. Simply practicing, you will find your skill level becoming fairly impressive and your enjoyment spiraling up.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Exploration never really ends. Time and experience evolves us and you may find new things to explore later. You have built the foundation for honest and open future exploration. But you will reach a point where you want to explore something else… levels of orgasm. That takes you into the next phase.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A tantric teaching on the experimentation phase of a couple’s sexual practice \u2014 trying new things with radical honesty, developing a wordless sexual communication, and learning to read a partner’s body to deepen connection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2941,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[1883,31],"project_tag":[36,1429,654,180,900,1767,1753,280,649,981,1732,947,37,1452,1857,977,69,752,1866,1012,655,302,651,979,978,284,980,168,922,1361,283,744,1865,1864],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2944","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-couples","project_category-observations","project_tag-art","project_tag-business","project_tag-complete-connection","project_tag-connection","project_tag-consciousness","project_tag-consciousness-mastery","project_tag-couples","project_tag-cycle","project_tag-cycle-of-human-development","project_tag-finding-peace","project_tag-global-peace","project_tag-human-development","project_tag-kathryn-colleen","project_tag-lasting-peace","project_tag-lastingpeace-org","project_tag-life-optimization","project_tag-music","project_tag-partner","project_tag-personal","project_tag-podcasts","project_tag-purna-asatti","project_tag-religion","project_tag-roadmap","project_tag-seeing-yourself","project_tag-self-mastery","project_tag-self-development","project_tag-self-improvement-2","project_tag-sex","project_tag-sexuality","project_tag-spirituality","project_tag-stages","project_tag-tantra","project_tag-understanding-people","project_tag-writing"],"acf":{"recommend_blurb":"For couples building an honest, playful sexual practice on a foundation of trust and safety. A guide to experimenting and communicating without judgment, drawn from the ideas in Make Love Every Day.","citation_snippet":"Dr. Kathryn Messegee (Kathryn Colleen), \"Connecting To Your Partner Through Sexuality - The Experimentation Phase,\" https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/connecting-to-your-partner-through-sexuality-the-experimentation-phase\/","topics":["relationships"],"related_book":"Make Love Every Day","buy_url":"https:\/\/shop.lightningsource.com\/b\/085?dmFALQI7SDQaBt8IWFgt6HhaYYmvlxAs0rptf5HVeGi"},"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/888969EA-BEE1-44C1-B1E2-35CD1A2EB349.jpeg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/CCA57320-6DC3-4284-BC27-49E433028503.jpeg","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/on-life-being-human\/id1360368906","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2nq6d35q9nFAFlanaJc2Do","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/feed\/podcast\/on-life-being-human","embedCode":"
Connecting To Your Partner Through Sexuality – The Experimentation Phase<\/a><\/blockquote>