I learned something really important recently. One thing I should have learned a couple of kids ago but only really came to understand on the very last one. Step AWAY from the tornado.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You see, the gauntlet from 16 to out of the house, Usually between 18 and 19, is a time of increasing frustration, if not conflict, between child and parent. As nature would have it, your child moves toward independence and, scared for how the world may treat them, you move to “protect” them or “give them what you did not have.” But they do not want your protection. And they do not want what you wanted but did not have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To make matters worse, they can see the coming cliff. The rushing waterfall of leaving home is as deafening to their ears as it is to yours, and far more terrifying. They become a swirling vortex of uncertainty (whether they express it or not). This vortex starts relatively small and grows larger over time. By the start of their senior year, they are a full blown tornado ensnaring anything and anyone who comes near in their chaos, including YOU, dear parent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They don’t mean to. But the impending independence that they so insisted on is drawing closer, along with its harsh reality. In other words, as the reality of moving day nears … Shit gets REAL.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is in these last 12-18 months that you must do the hardest thing a parent will ever do. You must LET GO. Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you let them be independent now, while they still have time to practice under your roof, and near your presence. It means moving that responsibility you have been shouldering for the last 17 years from you to THEM. It means letting go of your responsibility for their choices and their future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The tornado of chaos that your child has become is nature’s way of saying it is time to step away. Step AWAY from the tornado. Stop offering your advice when they did not ask. Stop insisting on certain experiences because you think it would be good for them, or worse, because you wish you had it back then. Stop asking them to live your life over for you to get it right this time. OUCH. That one was too real, wasn’t it? I’m sorry but you and I needed to hear it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stop. Breathe. Step AWAY from the tornado. It needs to spin now. It cannot be stopped or it will die out. Its energy is near infinite and must be released in its own way and in its own time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They will come to you excited about a hundred ever-changing ideas. If they will not result in physical injury, do not judge them unless asked to do so. If they are happy, be glad they are happy. If they are sad, offer comfort. If they ask your opinion, give it honestly. But recognize that their path is not anything like yours, and should not be. They have something unique to offer this world. They just need to spin for a while to figure out what it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tornadoes can be so very beautiful. Forces of nature. And when the spinning stops, the clouds part and it is blue calm skies. Ok, there is also a path of destruction. Broken hearts, broken relationships, and scattered dreams. But they are, usually, ultimately just fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Letting your children be themselves does not mean financing their every whim. It means stepping back and letting them figure out what they really want. It does not mean trying to help. It means letting them help themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step away from that tornado and watch, without fear, the beautiful force of nature your child is becoming.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A personal essay on parenting teenagers into independence \u2014 describing the swirling chaos of the final year at home and urging parents to let go: stop advising unasked, stop projecting their own regrets, and let a child spin into their own becoming.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2004,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[1886,31],"project_tag":[36,216,654,180,280,649,111,981,947,1529,1452,977,215,1106,1248,655,302,186,979,978,284,980,605,1361,283,1526,1528,1527],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2059","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-57challenges","project_category-observations","project_tag-art","project_tag-children","project_tag-complete-connection","project_tag-connection","project_tag-cycle","project_tag-cycle-of-human-development","project_tag-family","project_tag-finding-peace","project_tag-human-development","project_tag-independence","project_tag-lasting-peace","project_tag-life-optimization","project_tag-parenting","project_tag-parents","project_tag-poetry","project_tag-purna-asatti","project_tag-religion","project_tag-science","project_tag-seeing-yourself","project_tag-self-mastery","project_tag-self-development","project_tag-self-improvement-2","project_tag-self-understanding","project_tag-spirituality","project_tag-stages","project_tag-step-away","project_tag-teenagers","project_tag-tornado"],"acf":{"recommend_blurb":"For parents of teenagers approaching the leap into adulthood, this is a compassionate, direct case for letting go \u2014 how stepping back lets a young person practice independence and discover who they are.","citation_snippet":"Dr. Kathryn Messegee (Kathryn Colleen), \"Step AWAY From The Tornado - Letting Your Children Be Themselves,\" https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/project\/step-away-from-the-tornado-letting-your-children-be-themselves\/","topics":["relationships","growth"],"related_book":"","buy_url":""},"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/819E8FFE-065C-40CB-9E87-AD274A2D8BC6.jpeg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/CCA57320-6DC3-4284-BC27-49E433028503.jpeg","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/on-life-being-human\/id1360368906","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2nq6d35q9nFAFlanaJc2Do","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/kathryncolleen.com\/studio\/feed\/podcast\/on-life-being-human","embedCode":"
Step AWAY From The Tornado – Letting Your Children Be Themselves<\/a><\/blockquote>