Ultimately, the nature and effect of money on relationships is a negative one. Money creates a power balance that subordinates one party below the other through dependence. This leads to altered behavior. That is, the dependent party will naturally choose not to reveal the full truth of their thoughts and daily lives. Withheld truth means withheld connection. It can also mean lies, manipulation and misery. But at a minimum, it means you don’t know them as well as you think you do and you are not as deeply connected as you could be.
Power Balance
When one person gives money to another, power within the relationship shifts to the payer. They who have the gold make the rules. There is a natural subordination that happens. You might tell yourself that you can take this money from your parents and not feel subordinate to them, but the reality is that you will indeed feel, even subconsciously, lesser, or in some way beholden to them. You may withhold certain details of your life that they might not like, in order to keep in their good graces. It is the same way at work. Do you tell your boss every detail of your thoughts and your life? I doubt it. As an employee, you are more likely to show just those parts of yourself that promote the persona you need at work to get ahead. You show part of your truth, not all of it. Sometimes you withhold a bit of information about yourself because you think it might get you fired or otherwise risk your income. Sometimes you just want your coworkers to like you. But the fact is that the money you get from working there causes you to show only part of your authentic self… specifically the parts your boss would prefer to see.
Altered Behavior
The person receiving the money will not share their full truth, out of subconscious fear of the money stopping. And THAT is an invitation to lies, manipulation, misery, and withheld connection. If you are desperate enough, your picking and choosing about what to show and what to hide could devolve into making up new facts about yourself, or even manipulating others into believing whatever benefits you. You might even alter your behavior to please others to the point that you no longer recognize yourself. All of these situations lead to misery for you and everyone else involved. So what can you do?…
Remove The Money, Open The Connection
We see that the nature and effect of money on relationships is so much more than a topic to agree upon. The ripple effects of money pervade the very foundation of every relationship in your life… until you take the money out of the equation. True independence opens the door to true honesty and therefore true connection. It doesn’t guarantee it, but it offers the opportunity for a deeper and more pure relationship. The more financially, physically and emotionally independent someone is from you, the closer your relationship can be. That’s why you may find you are closer to some of your friends than you are to your family.
Fostering this kind of complete independence with your parents, your children and everyone else, you can then enjoy a more complete connection. Complete connection comes from expressing your full truth and seeking to understand their full truth. Once money is no longer a factor, your full truth can be shared and therefore understood and connection is deepened. Remove the money, open the connection.
