There is a lot of – completely necessary and well stated – social movement against men these days. Why? Because outward objectification leads to rape being considered not a big deal, and it leads to fewer business opportunities for women, etc. And before you judge me, let me point out that #MeToo. I have had my fair share: once assaulted, twice harassed, three times demeaned and countless whistles and cat calls (which I count as demeaning also). Compared to my mother’s generation, that’s an improvement. Certainly, it needs to stop. And it does seem to be improving generation over generation. That is wonderful.
But at the same time, are we asking for the wrong thing? Are we asking for something that our biology cannot deliver while ignoring what we really want to ask for which is equality for women – equal pay, equal opportunities, and for violation to be equally unacceptable. THAT is what we really want, but instead we are asking men not to objectify, period – something they cannot do.
Let me tell you the reality of biology: the male animal objectifies the female and the female objectifies the male.
Women, on the other hand, tend more often than not to add another layer of higher reasoning on top of that objectified first glance judgement – a layer of considering character, intelligence, demeanor, etc. And many men also add that same layer of higher I-am-not-just-an-animal reasoning on top of their initial objectified judgement. To those men, we thank you.
The problem, if we are to really couch it precisely, is that some men don’t add that higher layer of reasoning to their judgements and worse, some are quite vocal about their unaltered objectified initial state, and have not the self control to keep their hands to themselves. It is also, therefore, an EQUAL problem if a woman does not apply that higher layer of judgement and is vocal about HER unaltered objectified state, or does not keep HER hands to herself.
Now, I need to slide my glasses down on my nose for this next part. Admittedly, this problem is more common among the men BUT… Ladies…. Please… let’s not pretend we don’t objectify men. Don’t tell me that when you see a promo photo for Magic Mike that you are suddenly overcome with how amazingly intelligent the actors are. Don’t tell me that girlfriend to girlfriend chat at the cafe does not include commentary on the hotness of certain men who walk by; or about how shockingly easy it is to find a man willing to go home with you for the night. I for one, am not ready to cast the first stone. My house is ALL glass. I objectify men; and THEN I add the layer of higher reasoning. And THEN, I KEEP MY THOUGHTS AND MY HANDS TO MYSELF.
Although women keep their objectifying conversations more to the coffee shop and less to the locker room – it is all the same thing.
So let’s not act as though all women are the innocent victims of the objectification of all men. and let’s not pretend that objectification (at least on initial judgment) is not the natural unchangeable state of our biology.
What you really want is to not hear it. So let’s state it as it is… Gentlemen – can you keep your thoughts and hands to yourselves? And we ladies will continue to keep it to ourselves. Thanks.
Love
~KC
