I have heard it said that to grow (in terms of mental strength and self understanding), you must suffer. Look up David Goggins and others. While enduring physical pain is certainly one way to see how strong you can be, I think it is incomplete.
In my younger years (23 and 27) I chose to deliver my babies naturally (no pain medication) just to see if I could take it. I handled the first one with some amount of grace. The second, however, was induced and the harder labor seemed to bring out the sailor-mouth in me. I handled it quite ungracefully but I handled it nonetheless. I learned how strong I was and I am thankful for that experience. It was a natural, planned pain and it was beautiful.
Around 37 years old, I endured a LEAP procedure basically without any anesthesia. You see, I do not respond to lidocaine and my doctor did not believe me. I would like to forget that experience. I did not find growth or mental strength in that at all. It was an unnatural, unplanned pain.
The difference between these two experiences is that I CHOSE the challenge of natural child birth. Challenges that you choose are growth opportunities whereas pain that is thrust upon you is just trauma. Choice, however, is only the first aspect of a growth experience.
I believe, from my own experiences and that of others, that growth experiences must be
1 – your choice
2 – something that intimidates you or that you are not at all certain you can handle and
3 – will require you to face a fear or build a new skill
I do not believe that pain (physical or otherwise) is necessary.
For example, natural birth was my choice, I was not sure that I could handle it, it was intimidating and required me to face my fear of pain and learn breathing techniques to help overcome it. As another example that does not involve physical pain, I am currently attempting to learn 8 new languages simultaneously. It was my choice, it is intimidating every time I sit down with it. I am not at all certain that I can pull this off. And it requires me to build an enormous and diverse set of new language skills. There is no physical pain involved, but it has been a profound growth experience.
Some challenges are greater than others. For example, I challenged myself to contact my idols. It was nerve wracking but not nearly as hard as language learning. I think that we grow and/or have some self-insight or just insight into humanity in direct proportion to the size of the challenge. The greater the challenge, the more we learn about ourselves and our world.
Some challenges are instant or short-term while others are long-term. There is a different lesson, awareness and skill set to be learned from the challenge of running five miles every day than from the challenge of running a single 10K race. Both types of challenges are important. Short term challenges can teach you spontaneity and that you are capable of so much more. Long term challenges can teach you self-discipline and delayed gratification.
What will you challenge yourself to?
