As you explore connecting to your partner through sexuality, I want to recommend a fun experiment…. make love every day. Some of you are cheering. And some of you are thinking that sounds like a lot of work. This experiment can actually have some very surprising results. Here is my own experience…
How It All Came About
You’ve got to have your priorities. We always spoke about how our relationship and our connection are the most important thing in the world. But work gets in the way and kids need attention and …. excuses. And the next thing you know, you are making love only half as much as you used to, and that’s not nearly enough. We missed the connection. We missed the exchange of energy. We missed that time to focus just on each other in an incredibly connected way. And one day, we just decided enough was enough. If our love making was so important, why was it not a higher priority? Why was it not something we made sure happened? We decided to try making love every day, no excuses. Just do it… as they say.
Finding The Time
So, when should be our sacred time? At night, after the kids go to bed is the most obvious time. But we were often too exhausted from the day to make love at point. We could give it a go anyway, but it really deserves our best effort. We thought, if it is the most important thing we can do each day, shouldn’t it be the FIRST thing we do each day? Whatever you do first each day is almost guaranteed to happen. That is why some people workout first thing, or meditate first thing. Besides, we had more energy in the morning. And we had noticed before that any day that began with making love, had always been a good day, no matter what happened at work or otherwise. Could we, just by making love first thing every morning, guarantee a good day every day and closer connection too? It was worth a try. So we chose the morning. And that meant getting up thirty minutes earlier to make it happen.
Getting It Done – Embracing The Quickie
Look, we were not about to get up an hour early… because sleep is a priority too. So…. we will just have to get it done, and get it done quickly. Now, IT is defined as he gets his and she gets hers. It is not done until everyone has a satisfactory orgasm. No one sided experiences here. And here lies the interesting question…. if you could have an amazing, mind-blowing orgasm in five minutes, would you still desire the epic hours long love making sessions we see in the movies? Well, let’s just say we both appreciate efficiency. And efficiency is what we got.
Practice Makes Perfect
You see, any skill you practice daily, you will MASTER. We quickly narrowed in on the perfect positions, techniques and other features that would get us both there in the most connected way, while maximizing for the greatest possible orgasm for both parties. Now, it’s not all about the O. The important part is connection: emotional connection, intellectual connection, energetic connection, divine connection, and so forth. The playground of sexual intimacy is a space for that to happen. So it’s not all wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. The challenge of a high quality love making session in less than thrifty minutes is not for the faint of heart. But we were equal to the task. The practice evolved, over several months to the perfection it is today.
Don’t Forget The Cuddle
Part of that perfection is the incredibly important post-coital tenderness… the cuddle. A good cuddle (especially as an ending to great sex), lowers cortisol levels, boosts the bonding hormone oxytocin, and locks in the emotional connection you just strengthened. The danger here, is that you might fall back asleep… actually you are almost guaranteed to fall back asleep, especially if it is an early wake up. We learned to set a second alarm that would serve as the final, “get your rear out of bed” alarm. Problem solved.
The Canary In The Coal Mine
The thing about sex is, it’s a great indicator of your total wellbeing. If have access to good sex, and you don’t want it, something is wrong somewhere else in your life. Our rule has been, if one of us doesn’t want it, we don’t do it… obviously. But that then triggers the critical need to uncover WHY. It could be something as simple as one of us is sick. Or maybe we did not get enough sleep. Maybe we are stressed out about something. Or maybe we have an issue in the relationship that needs to be addressed. It forces us to examine what is wrong and fix it TODAY. When you don’t let an issue go, you don’t let it grow. That makes so much sense it rhymes. When you fix issues quickly, you don’t have issues.
The thing is, for many people… maybe you are one of them… libido is the FIRST thing to go. All the parts of your life have to be in relatively good standing in order for you to desire sex. That’s great. Use it as the canary in the coal mine. The minute your libido goes flat, figure out why and fix it. It is not that your libido is more important than all those other things like finance, work, relationships and such. It’s that those other things are important and your libido is the indicator of whether they are OK or whether they are not OK and you are ignoring the problem.
The Effect Of Guaranteed Sex
So what happens when you are guaranteed to get sex every day? You might think that you wouldn’t work so hard for it. You might think that maybe your partner won’t work to curry your favor anymore. You might think that you and your partner might give up on keeping your bodies in shape, or you might stop bothering to have date night, or dress nicely, or bring flowers, and so on. You might think you would stop flirting. Why bother, if you know for a fact that you are guaranteed to get some?
One of the surprising effects of making love every day has been that we actually seem to work harder to be attractive, flirt, and otherwise spin each other up. It is completely counterintuitive. When you remove the question of whether sex will happen, when it is guaranteed, flirting is then just for fun. Dating and wooing is just because it’s a good time. There is no longer an expectation of something at the end of the date. There is no worry of getting the evening just right. You relax. You have fun just being together. You connect as people in love. Sex is detached from the dating and flirting and wooing part of the relationship. As a result, the dating and flirting and wooing does not disappear, but flourishes in the absence of pressure and expectation.
Over the long term (months to a year), you might think that things would get old and boring. But quite the opposite happens. A good orgasm never gets old, especially when you keep improving your skills and those orgasms keep getting more intense and amazing. So don’t worry about that. You can always rotate through different positions and spice things up with various toys, and so forth to keep it fresh and even surprise your partner sometimes.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man (Pills Not Required)
But let’s talk about what I know you all want to talk about… The multi-orgasmic man (pills not required). It is well known that Yoni is capable of multiple orgasms of various types within the same sexual encounter. Vajra, as it turns out, is capable of amazing wonders too. I am not referring here to the ancient practice of pinching off male ejaculation in a bid to orgasm again later. I am talking about men of any age enjoying multiple ejaculatory orgasms, just as nature intended, potentially within minutes of each other, without the need for a break, or pharmaceutical intervention.
So how do you get there? This is a practice. Follow all the steps I have outlined previously. Start with physical exploration, exploration of different levels of orgasm, exploration of energy movement, and exploration of the divine within each other. Then, make love every day.
The psychology has to be in place here. Make an effort to ensure that your world is as stress free as possible. Don’t criticize each other. Instead, encourage what you DO want. Tell them what was amazing and wonderful. Tell them what was awesome. Tell them how amazing THEY are. You will get more of what you praise and reward.
Don’t have expectations. Not every day will be a multi-orgasmic day. Life and circumstances intervene. Good sex is good sex. Don’t get all type A about it. Let it be what it will be; no expectations and no pressure. Desire only to connect deeply with your partner.
Keep your bodies strong and healthy. We are asking a lot of these amazing bodies and they work a lot better when we feed them the right food, and tend to our needs for movement. If you take care of your body, you will feel attractive and that only helps the psychology.
So, I hear you ask, does that mean that a chronic condition might spoil our quest? Nope. It is all ultimately in the mind. If you and your partner feel sexy, and feel the connection, I believe you can get there.
Just know that with practice, it is possible. Just be in love. Just be in awe of each other. Let your inner Shiva and Shakti come out. And then one day… once will not be enough. And when that day comes (pun intended), praise your Shiva for the amazing, divine masculine that he is. Allow this unfolding exploration of your humanity and divinity to take you to place that you might not have expected.
