Connecting To Your Partner – Expression

The next item on the list for connection is your partner’s expression, and your own! As always, you will have a hard time appreciating and encouraging someone else’s expression if you cannot appreciate and encourage your own. So what is expression? Expression, associated with the throat chakra, includes all the WAYS that you convey things to others and the world…

You could be expressing all kinds of things: your truth, your opinions, who you are, what you do, what you want, what you think, your dreams and aspirations or anything else. It all mixes together to make up your full expression… your unique self carrying out your mission.

Strength of self comes into play here in that you need to feel confident in expressing your truth. That being said, your expression may include times when you choose NOT to express yourself. There are times to be out loud about something and times to just listen and receive. True confidence in expressing yourself shows when you, at times, choose not to be the center of attention, and at other times choose to shout. The important thing is that it is all by YOUR choice, not because you feel forced, coerced, suppressed, oppressed, or otherwise sidelined.

There will certainly be times when you may choose to express only part of yourself. Often at work, we might only show our “corporate side.” At certain gatherings, we might forgo showing tattoos. You get the idea. We dress mostly in line with the standards of whatever situation we find ourselves in. On our own time, we may be more expressive. While you are beholden to other people for jobs, money, opportunities, and such, this is a good idea. Are you being inauthentic? I hope not. You don’t need to be. Out of the dozen facets of your authentic self, you are just choosing to present and use some of them, and save others for other situations. Does that mean you are suppressing your full self? Yes. Socially, until you are financially independent, you are. The parts you choose to present at work are authentically you. The parts you choose to present at the yoga festival or the motorcycle rally are also authentically you. You are varied and fascinating and evolving. Once you are financially independent, you will have little reason to hold back any part of your expression because you won’t need anything from anyone. See my writings on financial independence, and writings from other great authors for more on the financial side. Suffice it to say that it is entirely possible to get there. This is when your artistic, wild, shamanic, or activist sides will really get space to expand in their expression. Until then, the weekends and days off will suffice.

The one person who will hold you back the most from your full expression is YOU. Ultimately, your expression is your choice. You choose how you want to dress, how you want to wear your hair, how you speak and what you speak about, and so forth. It is ultimately your choice. If you are choosing not to speak up, when you think you should, if you are choosing to dress differently in your free time than how you would like to, or if you are avoiding showing any aspect of your current truth to your partner, that should be examined. Be careful not to blame your partner for your own unwillingness to express yourself. If they belittle you or otherwise discourage your expression, that is a signal that they are not the right partner for you. It is not a signal that your expression is wrong. You see, in this life, there is no “wrong” expression, just like there is no “wrong” human. There is just massive variety. You should feel free to express yourself in any way you feel like: dance, sing, paint a picture, paint yourself, speak up, speak your truth… Support your own evolving expression and live it.

Then you will be in a good place to support your partner not just through words, but through example. You see, it’s hard to tell someone that they should express themselves, when you don’t allow yourself the same privilege. Revel in your partner’s expression. Encourage them to speak their truth, as before, and now expand that to reveling in all of their nonverbal expression too.

The challenge comes when our partner’s expression evolves, and when our own expression evolves. Let me explain. We are always evolving. Over the years, we learn and grow, exploring new facets of ourselves, and the world. You and your partner have gotten used to the way you express yourselves. It’s comfortable. Now you want to express yourself another way. Maybe by some art form, or some new experiences, or some new way of dressing. You worry how your partner will accept that. Your partner worries the same thing as they change over time. Ideally, you can build an environment where you and your partner feel free to express themselves AND to evolve how you express yourselves over time, and where the evolution itself is encouraged.

The problem is that we are too attached to some aspect of ourselves or our partners. You come to see them in some way. You get attached to how they dress or they get attached to how you cut your hair. And then you change or they change and the other feels grief (yes, grief!) for the old ways. We have to be able to let it all go. Let go of your old ways and embrace trying something new. Let go of your partner’s old ways and encourage them to try something new. But you really liked the old way, you say. That’s nice. But time moves on. Maybe the new way will be even better. Or not. Maybe you or they will go back to some older styles. That’s fine too. The point is to not become attached.

Expression is transient. LIFE is evolving and transient. Just flow. Flow in your expression. Flow in your partner’s expression. Allow space for all of that to expand and become more wonderful than before. Allowing that evolution loses you nothing. There is not really any loss there. Your partner’s previous expression is always a part of your past experience. And that makes room for new enjoyable expression. More than that, your encouragement of their growth, and their encouragement of yours, is a point of connection for you both. It deepens the connection, and makes it stronger. There is only good here.