Stage five – I am my ideology and must attack anything and anyone who counters it – is most typically characterized by political or religious ideologies. But our ideologies encompass so much more. It is all of your beliefs about life, people, how the world works, how to live your life, etc.
So I was thrilled when a willing volunteer griefed one of my posts. Griefers come in all shapes and sizes and motivations. They are a gold mine of neuroses and insecurities to analyze. I feel in them the deeply rooted pain of a life stuck in stages 3-5. The deep seated fear, the attachment, constantly patching the cracks that let reality seep in. These are challenging stages to be in. So I mean no disrespect by it, but let’s analyze this reader’s response.
The post was a simple headline, describing a piece of art. It was a drawing of what eventually became a tattoo. The drawing represents how freedom can come out of chaos and we therefore should not fear chaos. The lesson was the point of the piece. The reader responded, “Tattoos make more chaos. You are stuck forever and can’t change.”
The irony of the reader’s contradiction aside, he chose to latch on to and lash out at the concept of tattoos. Tattoos can be a divisive issue and it certainly triggered this reader’s ideological defense mechanisms. You can tell an ideological attack by its characteristics: there will be some inconsistency, or degradation, while lashing out at a general concept to promote their own belief.
In this case, within his ideology is a rule that says “Tattoos are bad.” This headline snagged his ideological dragnet with one word – Tattoo. Nevermind the actual point of the piece, he had to defend his ideology (because deep down, he questions it).
This reader, for that moment, and likely for most of his time each day, was squarely in stage five. And a comment like this, whether you agree or disagree, can send all of us quickly back to stage five to join him in an ideological fight over whether tattoos are good or bad. In stage five, we defend our ideologies vehemently because they are our definition of self. We literally are our ideologies. We fear in some respects that they might be wrong and if our ideology is wrong then WE are wrong, flawed or broken.
So instead of being pulled back to stage five, I chose to reflect his actions back at him and see his truth. When you see that he is in stage five and acting out of self preservation, it is hard to be mad at him. I see his humanity and I know that he will one day make it to spending most of his time in stage six and that will be a much more peaceful place for him.
